How many times in our relationships do we find ourselves looking for what is coming next? Wondering where is this going? Is (s)he the one?
Did you know that many people once they are in a relationship start looking for signs that it is going in a certain direction, both good and bad? Many times they start looking to see if it will lead to their so-called “happily ever after” after just only one or two weeks. They start living in fear of if they say something wrong or do something their partner doesn’t like they risk losing them and any chance at that happiness they are seeking.
I still think of him everyday. Still see new things up here and want to share them with him. But I don’t reach out. Is it my ego that prevents it? My wanting him to come to me to try again, or simply say he still wants to be a part of this beautiful, blessed, insanity we call life? Is it my fear? Not the fear of being rejected but rather that fear of falling back into the same place we always have that eventually leaves me feeling lonely? We both care deeply for one another. I don’t think time or distance will ever change that. In order for us to be healthy our communication would need to change. A simply “life is crazy, I’m stressed & need a few days” from both of us could have made so much difference.
I do miss him……..
Jokingly Tony recently told me to go ahead and withhold something from him if it makes me feel powerful. I chuckled to myself. Power, ladies, in a relationship doesn’t come from withholding anything from your partner. It doesn’t come from denying him sex or affection. Power is truly had when you give all that they ask.
When your partner knows that from you all of their needs will be met enthusiastically, that you want to see them fulfilled and happier than they have been with any other, then and only then are you really powerful.