Tags
broken heart, email, faith, fear, love, open heart, relationships, risk
So this evening as things calmed down at work I was struck by things I felt I was finally ready to say to Steve. So in between working on new graphics and answering emails I poured my heart out to him, letting go of all fears of possible rejection. When I would switch back to work mode I would hit save as draft on the email on my phone. I would go back reread, add to it, edit typos I found, delete things that I felt I didn’t say very well. I essentially told him I was his, my body, my heart was his and only his if he was ready to say he wanted them and all they had to give. I told him I couldn’t promise a perfect relationship but I could promise him one that was founded on respect, acceptance, trust and unconditional love. As I made another addition and went to him save as I saw an email come in I accidentally hit send!
It wasn’t ready. I wasn’t quite ready. I hadn’t planned on sending it tonight. Maybe late tonight but not yet. OK yes I still have a bit of fear of being rejected and pushing him, so I was going to hold it for a bit.
When I realized what I had done I panicked for a moment. Then took a deep breath and remembered that I am returning to my way of thinking of “with great risk comes great rewards”. Steve is worth the risk. I may fall flat on my face. I may have my heart broken again but I know that if that happens I didn’t hold back what I felt for him from him at all. That I acknowledged we have obstacles to overcome but that I let him know I was willing to find a way to make this work and build a relationship that fits us and give us what we need.
Truth be told I don’t expect a response back. He has never in the past really said much directly about what he wants but he shows it to me in other ways. We will see what happens. I am staying in faith that all will work out as it is meant to be.
Maybe this Opps was meant to be!
That is the view I am trying to keep. There has to come point I stop holding back in fear right?
Absolutely! Jump in big or go home! ; )
Oh, dear, things like that do happen – but it’s for the better! At least it’s out in the open, and let’s hope he replies
He did reply…the next day. After an email back & a few text exchanges we came to the conclusion of “if it isn’t broke there is no need to fix it.” Meaning nothing really changes between us. We will continue to live our lives and see what the future holds for us. After a day or two of thinking over our conversations I realized we were both saying the same to each other. We care deeply and want only the other’s happiness and that neither of us want to hold each other back. Who know’s what is in store for us being 2 states away but I am going to enjoy every moment of we get to remain a part of each other’s lives.